The Manly Man

I’ve been contemplating this story for a while now and I’m still in shock. The story proceeds as follows:

A certain Mr. Pedro Jones was baby-sitting for his girlfriend and noted the child was acting a bit too girly for his liking. Taking matters into his own hands, he strikes the child. The child goes into cardiac arrest and dies. He was “trying to make him act like a boy instead of a girl.”

Now this is the whole point I’ve been trying to make with this blog…what constitutes acting like a boy or acting manly? Why are we so caught up in this false sense of bravado anyway? Why can’t a man be a man without all of these additional labels applied? Granted, there must be some definition or characteristics (i.e. men who leave progeny all over the place would more fit the boy category and not the man in my opinion) but I am really talking about the subtle hints that society at large whisper to us. “Men walk with a lean” or “Men drink Alcohol – preferably beer” or maybe “Men should want to ‘score’ as much as possible.” I’m sure if the question, what does it mean to be a man were posed to 20 different men, we would probably get 30 different answers. To be honest, I’m not so sure myself. But to beat a child to death for not being born with your ideal definition of being a man -without even having a chance to mature – is nowhere near close to my definition of what it means to be a man.

What are your thoughts?

[Yahoo News]

Why are women always bashing us for  being penny pinchers? Don’t they know if we hadn’t been pinching pennies in the first place, we wouldn’t be taking them out at all? To me, that’s the sign of a good man. You don’t want some guy buying you all kinds of jewelry and beautiful items cause it means that he’s superficial. Why can’t women just love me for me without eyeing the size of my wallet. I feel like such a slab of meat sometimes! I think their looking at my buttocks, but noooo. They are looking at the wallet!

Now ofcourse this is all nonsense, but the premise is still interesting. Are women being reverse sexist by demanding financial goods from their significant others? A long time ago, there were heavy complaints of guys only wanting women for one thing. They were accused of being shallow and superficial. However, I haven’t heard too much about gold-diggers! All I hear is scientific explanations like women will choose a mate that has the highest probability of protection for child rearing – and other such excuses. Let me know what you guys think!

Jermaine Taylor is a good friend and a Manly Man. Always straightforward, he writes on many topics with no apologies. He has had guest appearances here before, so back by popular demand:
An Open Letter to Single Men

I write to you today to speak to what I believe to be the disturbing spread of single-phobia throughout our society.  At the moment, our society seems caught in the manic throes of a frenzied push towards commitment that has an adverse effect—whether directly or indirectly—on every American man.  R& B singer Beyoncé—one of pop culture’s most virulent single-phobics, in my opinion—unashamedly chastises single men in her song “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”: “If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it”; African American women are constantly cited time and again as being chronically unable to find a spouse; the book publishing industry is increasingly saturated with a seemingly inexhaustible stream of “self-help” books instructing women on what steps they should take to get their guy to “settle down” and “pop the question,” from Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal’s Why Hasn’t He Proposed?: Go from the First Date to Setting the Date to actor-comedian cum relationship guru Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.  Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, authors of the book He’s Just Not That Into You of —which was made into a 2009 New Line Cinema romantic comedy of the same name—plainly advise women to ditch any man who’s apparently not eager to say “I do” within a predetermined time frame.  What’s more, we single men are readily berated by the print and broadcast media for simply being ourselves.  (George Clooney, a self-admitted bachelor for life, is considered a “womanizer” by many women).  Indeed, we’re consistently portrayed negatively for no other reason than we want to hold onto our God-given and inalienable freedom and corresponding individuality.

After all, we each came into this world alone, did we not?  What’s so bad about wanting to stay that way a little while longer?

Not unlike those brave settlers who fled their native England and its religious persecution to settle the New World, not unlike those who suffered fire hoses and dogs at the volatile height of the civil rights movement, and certainly not unlike those courageous women who dared to reach for the ballot in a noble quest for equal treatment and equal opportunity as their male counterparts, we non-committal men—as we prefer to be called—are facing a very similar predicament.  However, unlike the institutionalized and oftentimes tepid and covert racism and sexism of contemporary society, our oppression seems far more manifest.  Man-bashing, as it were, seems to have gone “viral,” so to speak.  Everywhere we turn, we single men are constantly harassed for being born with a natural predilection for remaining unattached.  Still, we’re oftentimes left to fend for ourselves, without very much, if any, organizational or other philanthropic support.  For instance, the American Civil Liberties Union, or A.C.L.U. as it’s more commonly known, sponsors the LGBT Project, which “fights discrimination and moves public opinion through the courts, legislatures and public education” on behalf of our lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender brothers and sisters, yet there remains no such subdivision for we single men who desire nothing more than life, liberty and the benign pursuit of singlenesses tranquility.

How did we get here? I thought to myself as I stared blankly at the music video of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” being broadcast on MTV late one night.  How did we go so far afield of “the better angels of our nature?”  (After all, if God had intended for us to commit, he’d have brought us into this world in sets of two, am I right?  Surely, none of us want to boldly suggest the big guy got it wrong?)  More importantly, what now?  Where do we go from here, chaos or community? as the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once famously asked.

So, my fellow single brothers, where do we go from here?  We move forward.  We carry on.  We continue to “fight the good fight” for the cause of freedom and liberty, the very same principles our great nation was constitutionally founded upon.

Let me be perfectly clear, I’m not saying any of this because I “hate women.”  (I don’t).  I’m saying this because, like Gandhi himself advised, I seek “to be the change I wish to see in the world.”  I seek to mobilize and galvanize other single brothers on behalf of this great struggle, in this great moment in which we find ourselves, at this defining point in history.  We cannot loose hope.  Despite the fact that we may no doubt face the vicious and rancorous recriminations of the commitment-partisan status quo, we must hold fast to the beliefs that have gotten us this far.

The freedom to get up and go as we please.  To do as we please.  The freedom to sleep with whomever we so choose, free from the oftentimes callous and disproportionate over-reactions of our egreged partners.  These are all meaningful liberties, my fellow single brothers.  And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  You’re neither small-minded nor shortsighted for wanting to extol, whether verbally or in your daily lives, the virtues of living life alone, on your own terms.  In fact, you should be commended for speaking out on behalf of your sadly voiceless committed brethren, for there is no charge more admirable, make no mistake, than that of speaking out on behalf of the weak and the powerless.

In the end, much like both Dr. King and Gandhi—on whom Dr. King would later base his own philosophy of non-violence—we must acknowledge that anger and resentment alone will not solve the present problems we face.  Neither violence nor any other form of coercion or abuse can successfully and lastingly stare us out of the fractious impasse in which we’re now currently enmeshed, as it is understandably froth with as much complexity as combustibility.  Indeed, only honest and open dialogue can do that, in my opinion.  To borrow from the words of President [Barack] Obama’s 2008 inaugural address, we single men will more than happily extend a hand of friendship to all you “single ladies” out there.  All we ask is that you unclench your fist of matrimony and allow us to decide when we’re ready to “put a ring on it.”

Sincerely,

A Proud Single Man

Jermaine Taylor

Was tossed an interesting article from the Wall Street Journal the other day. Based on some statistics, apparently, men are becoming too manly. The study seems to point out that the more wealthy a society is, the more likely their women are to choose a mate that has less of the “manly” features we have worked so hard to groom. Granted, the researchers only interviewed white candidates in order to control the experiment, but they found that women from Mexico, Argentina, and Bulgaria, countries that had low marks on the health care index, were more likely to find men with more “manly” characteristics attractive. On a side note, I find it interesting that Mexicans, and Argentinians are being considered white here, but hey I guess they are in the name of science!

Now we all know what makes a man manly right? Well in case you don’t, the article points it out clearly. Thick eyebrows, broad chin, and a mean scowl with squinty eyes…missing anything??? I think that about covers  it in all cultures globally.  All in all, its a pretty interesting read, and should have us manly-men boarding flights to the poorest countries around to pick up their hot girls, but that is of course if the ladies who composed this study don’t all change their minds  randomly for some irrational reason thus discounting the entire study!

[thanks for sending Tuan]

Now for some Chuck Norris:

All the roses are going for 50% off. The Candy is all but finished, and the romance that was so thick a day ago is vanishing like mist. Everyone is going back to normal, but I’d like to pause a moment to reflect about what the best way to your lover’s heart may be. Now the answers will most certainly vary depending on the relationship you have with that person, but I think its amusing to post some of the answers that I got.

Libbey wrote that she was hoping for “Watching a marathon of Dexter … Red wine optional only because it looks like blood…”

Rose writes “open up that seldom used instrument, your heart, and re-introduce it to your brain. I’m sure your “lover” will be delighted.”

Edmond (aka Mr. Lover Lover) comments “After dinner, put on a nice song and ask her to dance. Careful though… if she likes to dance, she will make you dance a few songs. Dim the lights if it is not too much… IMPORTANT: don’t get your groove on here. Just continue being extra nice.”

Joel, always straight to the point, writes “Through her Chest” hmmm… we’ll pretend this is a deep metaphor.

Jeremy (aka Dr.Kill) notes “Get a large, hollowed-out cylinder, preferably of steel
construction, and shove it right through her chest with great force.
With luck, you should get a nice, round disc of torso meat, AND a
heart!” …we will also pretend that this is a metaphor.

All in all, the general gist seems to be: walk the untrodden path. Go the distance, and let your lover know that you were thinking about them. Soooo for those of you who went ahead and did the teddy bear and flowers thing, you chose poorly. But the good news is that she is still with you probably because they like you anyway, and anticipated the poor choice. This is a good thing because now that you’ve read this article and are committed to mending your ways, next year, you will bring it in a way that she will not anticipate, thus upping the stakes a bit.

We all know what Feb.14th is. Some have been waiting on it, while others dreading it. We are here to help you with common mistakes and pointers on how to behave yourself on this occasion. Now since if I wrote this piece I would steer you all wrong, I have enlisted the help of another blogger (female) who knows a thing or two about the holiday. Pay close attention guys!!!

Avoid The Valentine’s Day Traps

While Valentine’s Day may not be on the radar for some people (like me), it’s important to others. No, I’m not a bitter person; I’ve celebrated the “holiday” before, I just think it’s silly. But for those who enjoy this day, I have some tips on how to avoid the mundane trappings of Valentine’s Day.

So, you have a special lady in your life and want to celebrate this day with her, and I get that. But please, for 2010 don’t:

Give her chocolates, roses or even a teddy bear.

While these may be nice (ahem boring), these gifts are overdone for this “holiday.” When you walk into a Duane Reade or any other store, you’re bombarded with the Valentine’s Day section that’s overflowing with candies, chocolates and teddy bears. When you’re walking down the street, almost every other block bombards you with the mound of roses for sale. Sometimes the chocolates are stale or bitter. Sometimes roses shrivel within a day or two. And sometimes the teddy bear goes into the pile of other teddy bears and is soon forgotten.

Instead, give her something that’s from your heart and not from the commercialized products they’ve been breathing down our necks since the New Year. I suggest instead of a card, give her a handwritten letter. Yes it seems lame, but it’s actually pretty sweet and thoughtful. It doesn’t matter how long it is, just write down your feelings for her. This is a gift she will definitely keep.

Give her a gift she wouldn’t suspect. For instance, I’m sure in past conversations she’s mentioned something that she wish could happen─“I wish I had the time to clean my place”─and she probably thought you weren’t listening. But you were. Surprise her by paying for a trip to the salon or to a spa, so that when she returns, her place is clean. She won’t stop showing her love for you for weeks.

Go to a stuffy restaurant for a romantic dinner.

Yes, you’ve made sure on January 2nd that you booked your reservation to that over-hyped, romantic restaurant for your girl, but this is also cliché. Not to mention, it’s also not intimate because the place will be packed with a slew of other couples.

Cooking at home it very intimate, but if you do that enough already, I’m sure there are wine and food tasting events to go to. This is a great alternative because it’ll be a lot of fun to try different things. Why not make a bet over who will be the first to get tipsy from all the wine tasting?

Be so anti-Valentine’s Day if she’s pro-Valentine’s Day.

So you don’t care for the commercialized “holiday,” but if she’s really into it, give in just a little bit. Even though she knows you’re dead set against it, she’s secretly hoping you’ll somehow show you care. So do something goofy like showing up to her door as a singing telegram. Sure you may butcher her favorite love song, but she doesn’t care because you put in some (okay, maybe a lot of) effort. You’re not serious about the day, but you’re serious about her. You two can laugh about it and move on.

Stop buying the usual Valentine’s Day gifts and stop doing the usual Valentine’s Day activities. Originality and creativity will melt a girl’s heart every time.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Tiana Bragg

There comes a time in every Man’s life where he has to question whether or not he is mentally deficient.  That day came yesterday when I joined a few co-workers in a challenge to survive on only $25 for the week. Now I’m the type that goes out to lunch most days (yeah, I know its expensive but I’m lazy!) and I just don’t know if it was wise of me to enter this contest! But I have discovered one thing. You don’t know what metal you are made of until its tested! All of a sudden secret skills you’ve long thought sealed away, awaken to help you in time of need! Why did I bust out the West-Indian fried dumpling’s with cornmeal and some nice cabbage for lunch today! Didn’t know I had it in me! Plus I have soup (with the boiled dumplings) just to switch it up. I bought all the groceries with 20 bucks. Lets see how I do.

Update: Turns out the challenge started after I bought groceries so I got a clean slate!!

Day 1: Lots of cabbage and a few dumplings and half a veggi-patty. Satisfying but needed a snack at the end!

Day2: Same thing from Day One. 2 dollars in snacks and 2 dollars in fries from McD’s!

Day3: Soup time! 1.50 on donut and 5 bucks for Burger King…couldn’t help it ya’ll!

Day4: Forgot my soup at home…but luckily I was taken out for pizza!!! Woohoo! $0.00 bucks baby!

Update: D’oh! Had to return the favor…at least it was falaffel and it was cheap.hehe spent $5.00

Day5: Had a Subway Sandwich. Good thing they are cheap! about $4.50

Day6: Ate the rest of my soup. That stuff was good! Can’t spend much more money since I realized I’m right at $20.00

Day7:

Was riding the train the other day and noticed something very interesting. Almost all of us were pre-occupied with our electronic devices. Blackberry’s, iPods, iPhones, etc… None of us wanted to talk to one another. Granted, it’s a little weird striking up random conversations with people you don’t know, but I have to say, that used to be one of the things I loved most about New York. Yeah, New Yorkers have a bad rap for being busy all the time, but so what? We got stuff to do. Besides, any tourist will tell you, we love conversation. Just keep it short and simple. No one will be rude to you.  Those are usually the hipsters that move in from Nebraska, or Kansas somewhere and want to act like a real-life New Yorker just  like they saw on Sex in the City or CSI. I digress.

At any rate, my point is we are starting a disturbing trend, which is to want to be alone while in the company of others. I have done it countless times. At the moment the lull in the conversation appears,  I’m checking my trusty G1 for new messages or twitter updates. I know someone has just updated their status to something stupid like Jets suck, but I just have to see. I wonder what this will do to society at large? We are changing the way we interact with people. I won’t go so far as to say today’s technological advances will have a positive or negative effect. However, I will say it will definitely change the way we date and socialize. Sure, I suppose we can always meet one another at the bar or club, but for those of us who don’t really do the whole drinking and clubbing thing, there aren’t a huge amount of options left. I used to feel comfortable approaching a young lady during a commute or while at a cafe etc. Now, everyone is so into their music or video game that I now feel uncomfortable interacting with someone outside of my network of friends for fear of  annoying them.

I honestly wish I could peer into the future to see what things will be like in ten years. What will happen to the casual conversation? Will it disappear or will it be held online in a chat room while playing some game? Will it become the norm to be on the phone while at the dinner table or restaurant or will restaurants begin outlawing cellphone usage inside? Will cases of ADD shoot up, or will it level off? Have I passed my soul-mate while she was adjusting her volume to tune out the annoying guy trying to ask her for her name?

See also: From Sorry Ms.Jackson to Hello Ms. Right

A good friend just shot me this link from Wired.com and I have to say, I’m quite impressed. Apparently one can own a fighter jet. Yeah, just straight pull out your fat wallet and pay someone, in Russia I presume, and take away a nice shiny new Sukhoi SU-27. Yes, that same one from Ace Combat and H.A.W.X. on the X Box 360…except in real life of course.

Now this jet was designed to go Mano y Mano with the US’s F-15 Eagle. The plane is capable of vertical acceleration because of its high thrust-to-weight ratio, and can reach speeds of about Mach 1.8 (1,300 mph). That’s almost twice the speed of sound. Now here’s the clincher. This bad boy is going for about 5 million bucks. Not bad right, considering that a mid-range Gulfstream private jet goes for well over 20 million. Plus they offer training on the jet as well in case you don’t have fighter pilot experience. Seems like a great deal to me, and if any of you readers who happens to have a few dollars to spare for my birthday – hook me up man!

Every now and then its a good thing to reflect on things. One’s life, achievements, disappointments, goals, successes. Some folks are pretty happy about the ratio of achievements to time spent, while others begin the new year with resolutions to be more efficient with the time they have. Today is that day for me, and it also happens to be Martin Luther King Day.

I sit in my “Captain’s Chair”, you know-the chair every guy has that marks him as the ruler of the house-and I contemplate the small amount of information I can recall about this great man’s life. I recall seeing somewhere that they might make a movie. Hope its a good one I remark to myself. But honestly, would I know if it were a good one or a bad one? This is the point where I have to be honest with myself. Like the Christian who follows Christ, but doesn’t really know where Jesus was born and has to sing a Christmas Carrol to get the clues, or who isn’t too knowledgeable of the details except for the whole death on the cross thing.  I begin to think about all the stuff I don’t know about the man, Martin Luther King jr. I wonder what it would have been like living in his day. Would I have taken part in any of those demonstrations? Would I have known him? Would I be too busy trying to make ends meet for my family? What am I doing now? How do I measure up to this man? What have I done with my talents and with my time? These are the tough questions. They make you want to do more, to be more. What it must have taken to do those things. To march knowing good and well people straight-up hate you and would like to do you bodily harm. To do so knowing the dangers involved for family and friends you care about deeply. What a sense of conviction.

I wonder if the stuff he was made out of is present in this world we live in today. Everyone has this sense of entitlement, thinking they deserve this and that. But the level of humility this guy had is just baffling to me. To be non-violent about it and to patiently wait while in a prison cell. Wait for things to get better, believing that your position was correct.  What faith in God this man had. I can barely wait in line at McDonald’s without getting a little antsy and short with the cashier!

What would happen if I applied myself? I wonder what my potential is and could be. What if I were efficient with my time? Martin Luther King jr. was the youngest person to win the Nobel Peace Price in the time he lived. What an amazing feat.

I sit and contemplate these things wondering if there will be another person like him. I wonder if more of us responded to our own callings, what things would be like. Or rather just me, what if  ’I’ make a move? How would I change my own life or the lives of my family and friends? What dent could I make on this world?