All the roses are going for 50% off. The Candy is all but finished, and the romance that was so thick a day ago is vanishing like mist. Everyone is going back to normal, but I’d like to pause a moment to reflect about what the best way to your lover’s heart may be. Now the answers will most certainly vary depending on the relationship you have with that person, but I think its amusing to post some of the answers that I got.
Libbey wrote that she was hoping for “Watching a marathon of Dexter … Red wine optional only because it looks like blood…”
Rose writes “open up that seldom used instrument, your heart, and re-introduce it to your brain. I’m sure your “lover” will be delighted.”
Edmond (aka Mr. Lover Lover) comments “After dinner, put on a nice song and ask her to dance. Careful though… if she likes to dance, she will make you dance a few songs. 🙂 Dim the lights if it is not too much… IMPORTANT: don’t get your groove on here. Just continue being extra nice.”
Joel, always straight to the point, writes “Through her Chest” hmmm… we’ll pretend this is a deep metaphor.
Jeremy (aka Dr.Kill) notes “Get a large, hollowed-out cylinder, preferably of steel
construction, and shove it right through her chest with great force.
With luck, you should get a nice, round disc of torso meat, AND a
heart!” …we will also pretend that this is a metaphor.
All in all, the general gist seems to be: walk the untrodden path. Go the distance, and let your lover know that you were thinking about them. Soooo for those of you who went ahead and did the teddy bear and flowers thing, you chose poorly. But the good news is that she is still with you probably because they like you anyway, and anticipated the poor choice. This is a good thing because now that you’ve read this article and are committed to mending your ways, next year, you will bring it in a way that she will not anticipate, thus upping the stakes a bit.